this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
