Just cropdusted the office
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
