the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
