My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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