My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
