Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
