the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize