I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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