He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize