Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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