Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
