i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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