do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
