have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish they made helmets for livers.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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