Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
