Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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