Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
