i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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