So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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