the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
