i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
