I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
