whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
