You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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