I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
