Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I intend to get homeless drunk
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
