i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
