mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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