Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
