My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
