maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
