I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
