I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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