I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
