Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
