Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and she was petting her beer can
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
