we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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