He disabled his match.com account in front of me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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