Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
