y did u give ur computer a hand job?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
