Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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