I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
