it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
