A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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