So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
