I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
