I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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