THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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