grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
