I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
