I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
