I can tuck mytits in my pants
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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