she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
