i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
