I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
MIDGETS
????
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
