Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He told me they were just razor bumps!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
