Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
