You're my little dorito
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
