I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
