Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
