if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
