OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
