I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
