I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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