New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
