let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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