I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I see more hoeing in ur future
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